Baby’s First Aspidochelone

I knew I had saved an image.

Anyway, this actually happened some time ago (year+). I think the statute of limitations on keeping the story under wraps has since kind of expired. Moreover, it’s actually a really funny and amusing story, so it really should be shared.

My former linkshell was never very successful at king camping, mostly because they adopted a “no botting” policy, and such a policy was reflected in the fact that their claim record was 0/eleventy billion. It never stopped them from trying, however. And every so often, we’d get a regular Adamantoise or Behemoth for our troubles.

On this particular summer day, it had just turned to Day 4 turtle. For those not in the know, this is where linkshells start to take interest in camping kings, since now kings actually have an oppertunity to spawn. In the case of Adamantoise, it’s Aspidochelone. Our particular linkshell, since we camp regular turtle, was kind of annoyed at this practice, regardless of how common it actually is.

Most of the time, people have mules to get time of death. For some reason, this time around, nobody besides our linkshell had the exact time of death. So, we decided to have some fun at the expense of everyone else. We opted to split the linkshell up on either side of Valley of Sorrows. One group would start casting sneak/invis at the wrong time at the regular camp to throw off other linkshell campers. The other group would sneak/invis for the right window.

Now, the more observant of you will notice that this strategy doesn’t really amount to more than going, “Hey! Your shoelace is untied!” It’s very true. It’s was just intended to be kind of silly, and it was more to the amusement of our linkshell than anyone else. These seasoned, hardcore linkshells who do this daily wouldn’t even possibly come close falling for this.

Not only did it work with resounding success, we were awarded with a very easy, non-competitive claim. This would have normally been met with laughter and amusement, but instead I hear this over ventrillo:

“Fuck! It’s Aspid!”

I think that, if you compile a list of all possible phrases and sayings ever said when you claim a king, I think, “Fuck! It’s Aspid!” is, if not at the bottom of the list, near the very bottom. Especially since this is considered the desired result. Nonetheless, what was supposed to be an amusing little joke to relieve pressure and tension while king camping suddenly became incredibly serious and incredibly stressful.

The linkshell had claimed its first king.

The amount of king-fighting experience in the entire linkshell couldn’t have possibly amounted to more than three people at best, none of which included me. Sure, everybody’s fought the pseudo-kings, but it’s not even close to being the same thing. Moments after the claim, much shouting started to happen, as well as LOTS OF CAPITAL LETTERS to get everybody at the Valley of Sorrows immediately. On top of that, everyone else in the valley suddenly started to crowd around, very annoyed and quite irate at what developed.

As people ran to the Valley of Sorrows as best they could, it occured to me that we had four tanks, two of which were PLD/WAR, one level-70 red mage, one bard, a couple of monks, and about two black mages. At the risk of inflating my ego, I realized that if I fell, things would suddenly get a lot more complicated. Needless to say, my stress level shot up to phenominal levels.

Everyone was staring and waiting to see our demise. Surely it would only be a matter of moments before we wiped, having to admit defeat and that we were completely over our head. It would be in our best interest to take offers to team up and get a free egg instead of looking completely and utterly humiliated.

But people went to switch jobs. Our numbers rose as more people signed on. Now the new problem became time. Aspidochelone rages after sixty minutes. You could almost hear the taunting from everyone else through the computer screen.

It took 55 minutes. In the end, we were victorious. It was, as far as I know, their first and only ever king claim. It was glorious. And the competition could not have been more pissed off. I still don’t understand why. Maybe it was because we took so long. Maybe because the underdogs won that day. Maybe because they fell for a stupid little trick that wouldn’t have fooled a seven year old. Who knows.

And what did we get for our trouble?

FUGLY ASS, USELESS, MOTHER FUCKING SHOES.

But a win is a win, I guess.